2007 Year in Review: Concerts

One of my hobbies is live music, I will go to almost any show, does not matter, if I know the artist or not. Well, let me rephrase.... I will pay for the ones I like, but I will gladly go to almost any show. Usually, I will come away a big fan. I, also, spend a considerable amount of my income on concerts, plays, etc. I feel like I am always going to see someone.. So, here are the best of my 2007 excursions....

5. Beyoncé (07/20/2007 at Philips Arena)

I am a HUGE Destiny's Child fan and I think Beyoncé is pretty great too! In 2005, I saw them perform at the Essence Music Festival and it was a phenomenal show. So, when I heard that Beyoncé was going on tour for her B'Day CD, I had to be there! The show was as amazing, as you could have imagined... I had fantastic seats (so close that Beyoncé gave a shout out to the guy sitting two rows behind me) and great company. Thanks to one of my friends, I talked to hot ass Bibi on the phone after the show!

While, I enjoyed the show, I did not realize how much until I saw the concert on BET and started feeling as hype as I was when I was there! Beyoncé, I might give you a hard time, but you are a hellavu performer! Brava brava! My boyfriend, Justin Timberlake did not give me the same feeling when I saw his HBO show, which is why he did not make the countdown... Sorry JT!

4. Atlanta Opera's Turandot (10/07/2007 at Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre)

Speaking of Brava, some of you might not know that I adore opera... It touches my soul... This is my second year subscribing to the Atlanta Opera. This year, they made a controversial move from downtown to evil Cobb County and their new facility. I am not happy with the move, nor am I that happy with the Centre. However, the opera still has "it going on!" The performance was beautiful and the sets were AMAZING! If the move, meant that I could receive that calibre of a production, then I guess I will have to deal with it!

3. A Memory, a Monologue, a Rant and a Prayer: Writings to End Violence Against Women and Girls (09/26/2007 at Opera)

While this was not a concert, this event was touching, funny, soul-stirring and beautiful. This was a reading of Eve Ensler's, of Vagina Monologue fame, new book. Local celebrities gathered to read essays by men and women about the pain and frustration they had experienced as an abused woman, an abuser of women or a bystander, just as they had done for the annual Vagina Monologue event. The book is a must have for every man and woman....

To top it all off, I met Kenny Leon and Eve Ensler!

2. M.I.A. (10/31/2007 at Centre Stage)

This girl is so so so crunk, beyond words! She defines cool... I love anyone who can rock their own style and not give a fuck what anyone thinks and M.I.A. does that! I was turned on her by my BFF (not to be confused with my Liebling) and once I heard that she was doing a show in Atlanta...on Halloween, I knew we had to be there! Somehow, we got the hook up from one of the security guards that she was going to bring about 20 people onstage to dance with her. And, we were two of them! Amazing!

My Number 1 Concert of 2007 is....

Babyface with Special Guest AYO. (10/07/2007 at Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre)

So, I LOVE AYO. (pronounced ah-you)! She is one of the four artist that I could listen to for the rest of my life, if I could only listen to four.... She is from Europe and when I stumbled upon her music, her CD had not yet been released in the US so, I had to order the international version from Amazon. I said, if she ever releases her CD in the States, I must buy another copy and if she comes to tour anywhere in the States, I will be there.... Well, her CD was released and I bought another copy and I found out that she was coming to Atlanta, opening for Babyface, I bought tickets the morning sales opened! With the best seats, I have ever had to see a major recording artist (5th row), I was set to see my AYO. I impressed everyone around me with knowing all the words to this unknown artist's songs. As one of my friends told me, they are all going to think that you are her best friend and that is why you know her music.... :-D And her show was amazing...she did not perform my favorite song, Letter by Letter, but she did perform her hits (at least on the European charts). So, I being all hyped after seeing her, and fulfilling my dream of seeing all of my favorite musicians perform live, I was set for a decent Babyface show.

I consider myself to be a Babyface fan. The man writes and sings great music... He was on tour to promote his new CD, which I did not have so, I was not too excited about his part of the show. Well, I know now that I should have been! For starters, his new CD is a bunch of covers so, I knew most of the songs on it already. Second, he only performed three songs from the new CD. What did he perform? All of his hits! All of the hits, he wrote for other people, well most of them.... I had the best time ever! He is so funny, charming and wonderful... Everytime I hear one of the songs on the radio, I think back to that night... And being on the 5th row, when I stood up to dance and sing, he saw me. Yep, Babyface and I made eye contact! :-D

Am I Not Good Enough?

Am I not good enough for you to answer my messages?
Am I not good enough for you to return my calls?
Am I not good enough for you to care about?
Am I not good enough for you to want to get better?
Am I not good enough for you?

thoughts of two

she thinks i'm pretty
i think she's intriguing
i'm possibly maybe interested in knowing more....

she thinks i'm hot
i think she's full of it
i'm possibly maybe not so sure what i want out of this...

she thinks i'm amazing
i think she's wonderful
i'm possibly maybe definitely wanting all of her...

she thinks i'm invisible
i think she's soul stirring
i'm possibly maybe going to try a bit more....or not....

Everything...

Everything seems endless...
The unknowing
The pain
The stress
The tears

Everything seems unbearable...
The nurturing
The uncertainty
The discomfort
The life

Everything seems...
Exactly like what it is...

When will it stop being?

LeLe & Sunshine

I had a dream where everyone was telling you, you loved me.
I had a dream you told me, you loved me.
I want you.
I cannot have you.
I will continue to dream.

The Convergence of the Skies?

A friend told me this story... I thought it was beautiful, and somewhat appropriate so, I wanted to repost for everyone to experience....

Night skies open up to a random breeze, that bring a new, but familiar life to the evening. The random breeze entices, caresses and envelops the night, as if, it were the only one that ever existed. The random breeze begins to dance away leaving the night sky confused and wanting more.

Day skies attract random breezes, that always bring a promise of soul warming heat. The random breezes play, intensify and even stir up to powerful winds of emotion. The day sky becomes torn and exhausted by the play exemplified by the random breezes.

Unsure of what to do, the night sky seeks the warmth of the day and the day sky seeks the stability of the night, for answers and guidance. The day sky tells the night sky with her standard answer, ignore the random breezes. The night sky advises the day to be careful and selective of the random breezes she entertains...

Despite being opposites, the two skies are the same. Both are the only ones, who truly understand the other and see all of their beauty. While everyone is aware of the exterior beauty of the day, the night is aware of her interior. While no one is aware of the exterior beauty of the night, therefore the interior, the day is aware of both.

The two skies share a deep, undeniable love and understanding for one another, as if they share the same core.

This love has on occasion left one of the skies wondering, what if the breezes were ignored? What if the two skies converged and became one? What would happen to universe? What would happen to them? What would happen to their love? What would happen to their understanding? What would happen to their core? What would happen if they truly tried?

Last Night

Last night, I was tired and restless so, I decided to stay in. I was invited out by a couple of people, but needed some time for me, some time to think.

As I always am with my restless mind and a little bit of time to myself, I start to rapidly sort out issues and answer my questions. Here's what I resolved last night....

1. M just wants to fuck me!
2. J really wants me to herself. She wants me to be happy, but I think she adores having me to herself.
3. I keep running from one problem to the other, but am really just running in circles.
4. If I close my eyes tight enough, I feel tears running down my wrists.

The Only Thing I'm Sure of is Stress & Pain

I am really not sure what I want this to be. Scratch that.... I do know what I want this to be, I am just not sure if that is in the plans for me, and if so, the required time period for all of this to be realized.

On top of that, all of this is making me extremely tired and I nap very hard, but wake up an hour or so later, wide awake. I just want to sleep through the night. Now, I am drowsy, restless and in pain. My back aches so much....

The stress made Sunday so great... I got to see my Anitra and I did karaoke, which I have never done, but ALWAYS wanted to do.... Other things also made it nice...

My Monday brought me back to reality.... I really feel like I cannot deal with it all. 4 is such a high number.....

For You...

I am so happy to have you in my life and feel fortunate that you allow me in yours! You are always willing to offer a shoulder on which to cry or an ear to listen. When I am around you, I am allowed to be me. I do not have to put up any fronts, act like who I am not, edit my thoughts...I can just be all that I am. With you, I feel secure and just happy.

Thank you for everything and I love you ,
~Ashley Joy~

Talk to Me

You lean into me, resting your head on my shoulder. I reach around and rub your hair. You're tired, it's been a long day. Still, I ask, are you okay? You tell me you're fine and then you sigh one of those sighs that you do when something isn't so right. I ask you to open up, tell me. You raise your head and look at me with an expression I can't read, yet know something is not right. I'm frustrated by you.... Why won't you open up to me?

I lean into you, resting my head on your shoulder. You reach around and rub my hair. I'm tired, it's been a long day. Still, you ask, am I okay? I tell you I'm fine and sigh one of my sighs that I do when something isn't so right. You ask me to open up, tell you. I raise my head and look at you with an expression that you can't read, but is revealing all of my truth, yet you know something is not right. You're frustrated by me..... You want me to open up to you.

We talk all the time, but you never share anything. You give me advice on how to deal with my issues, but you never say anything to me about your problems. I share with you so many of my insecurities, but you only hint at what's bothering you. And, your hints are hard to decifer. Are you afraid that I'm not going to be there to listen, to support you? People, your friends, care about you. We are here, so please talk.

It's difficult for me to talk, when what's concerning me is you. I like you, I'm crazy about you. You're beautiful, but the like is unrequited so, "I keep it to myself." How can I share with you my relationship problems when the problem is I want my friend? You make me nervous, giddy, anxious. You make me feel like a girl....

I lean my head on your shoulder and wrap my arms around you. I tell you to take your time and just talk it out. I care about you.... You open your mouth and begin to talk.....

You lean your head on my shoulder and wrap your arms around me. You tell me to take your time and just talk it out. I care about you.... I open my mouth and begin to talk.....

We're shocked. We can't deal with it. We don't want to confront the situation so, we avoid one another. We wonder where things went wrong. Will things ever be back to how wonderful they were?

Will and why can't I stop being attracted to her?

Will and why can't she stop being attracted to me?

Getting Rid of the Jealousy

Your emotions are taking a backseat to cold logic right now, which is helping
you make a levelheaded conclusion about someone whose actions have been
confusing you lately. There's a fresh, clean energy inside of you that will
enable you to cut through the games and see things as they truly are. It's an
excellent day for important deliberation. If there is a big decision you've been
toying with, today is a great time to sit down and go over the pros and cons.

Virgo Horoscope for August 6, 2007 by Astrology.com

After what I have been going through, I was scared shitless by today’s reading. I have been very confused lately and definitely need to cut through the games. So, I will attempt to ask the question that needs to be asked….. Me being me, I am very nervous. What if the answer is something I really do not want to hear? Then again, what if it is something that I really do want to hear? This is just a chance I am going to take. This will not be another Renée!

By the way, I did go running and it was fabulous! I received some clarity, discovered something about myself that is absolutely hilarious and stirred the creative juices so I could start (and complete) my Vision Board.

This is about to be the big time!!

What I Do Not Want in Me

It is not that I do not believe in jealousy, but I try not to embody it. And, as hard as I try not to embody it, sometimes I am. I guess it is okay that sometimes I am, because then I become more aware of how or who I do not want to be.

Right now, I am jealous....

Right now, I do not want to be....

Right now, I am going to seperate myself from the situation so, I will no longer feel jealous....

I need to go running...

At Night I Can't Sleep, I Toss and Turn

Candle sticks in the dark, visions of bodies being burned
Four walls just staring at a nigga

Well, it wasn't that extreme, but I was up for 3.5 hours last night...tossing and turning and turning and tossing. I finally decide to read some of my Harry Potter and that put me to sleep in no time! Not that the book is boring, but it was late and the drowsiness finally kicked in...

Anyhow, what was keeping me awake? Life was keeping me awake. Decisions to make, changes that are occuring, things to do... Not that the decisions, changes and things are bad. Most of them are good! Just the thought of them has been disturbing my sleep.

I did come to realize that:
I love my friends.
I can do better.
I think they are absolutely beautiful...I blush when I think of them.
I am extremely excited about everything that is happening over the next six (6) weeks.
I really need someone to go to Vegas with me.....

All of This is Nothing But Wasted Time

I could not have said it better myself...
When will Virgos STOP feeling this pain, loving this love....

Wasted Time
Me'Shell Ndegéocello

You rarely notice but I hang on your every word
Everything you say
You are much too busy to notice me
You turn and walk away
Into anothers arms hopeless ashamed
I wish I could hold you that way
Brokenhearted I dream for you to notice me

Wasted time on loving you wasted time
Wasted time on someone
Who wont love you as much as I
As much as I as much as I as much as I

In my fantasy you are asleep beside me
I feel you breathe
If only I could be there for you
The one that you make love to

Wasted time on loving you wasted time
Wasted time on someone
Who wont love you as much as I
As much as I as much as I as much as I

You rarely notice but I hang on your every word
Everything you say
You are much too busy to notice me
You turn and walk away
Into anothers arms hopeless ashamed
I wish I could hold you that way
Brokenhearted I dream for you to notice me

Growing Balls

I despise confrontation, even when it could lead to a very good outcome. I just cannot deal with scaring or hurting anyone or having someone tell me no… Lately, I have been like, “I don’t give a damn. I’m doing this shit!”

I got up the courage to ask an old friend, why she and I did not work out. I was very fearful of how she was going to respond. It turned out to be okay. And, things are great between us…

I was finally able to gather the nerves and ask a friend of her intentions with me. While, I did not get a direct answer, I did receive enough of one to make me even more curious of how I fit into her life.

I have decided to write the letter that I have needed to write for the past 10 months.

What else is in store for me? From where, did these balls come?

A Letter to Her...

My dearest JATD,

You are beautiful, but you know this. I, and almost all of your friends, have told you so many times before. Everyone thinks of you as being incredibly sexy… From your phone operator voice, which drives me insane….I always save your voicemail messages, to your overall style, you are amazing! I love the time we spend together…. I just wish I did not think of you the way that I do. Most people love having crushes, but I do not love, nor like, having one on you. We are friends and that is all it can be. You are going through your thing and I need to be concentrating on taking care of my life. Plus, you do not even like me like that. I think, but probably so… It just seems weird when I hear stories of you watching me move and how I always feel nervous when we say goodbye. It was like that at first, then for a while, it was strictly friends… Then, the last couple of times, I do not know. Maybe, you were making me feel weird because of the alcohol you had been drinking. Maybe, you were thinking of someone else and projecting onto me. Yes, that is definitely, what it was. You did not really want me; you wanted her. Well, thank you for making me feel desired during those few minutes of us saying goodbye…. Next time, it shall go back to the way it was before, you and me being friends, confidants. I am going to wake up from the crazy fantasy!

~Ashley Joy~