LeLe & Sunshine

I had a dream where everyone was telling you, you loved me.
I had a dream you told me, you loved me.
I want you.
I cannot have you.
I will continue to dream.

Talk to Me

You lean into me, resting your head on my shoulder. I reach around and rub your hair. You're tired, it's been a long day. Still, I ask, are you okay? You tell me you're fine and then you sigh one of those sighs that you do when something isn't so right. I ask you to open up, tell me. You raise your head and look at me with an expression I can't read, yet know something is not right. I'm frustrated by you.... Why won't you open up to me?

I lean into you, resting my head on your shoulder. You reach around and rub my hair. I'm tired, it's been a long day. Still, you ask, am I okay? I tell you I'm fine and sigh one of my sighs that I do when something isn't so right. You ask me to open up, tell you. I raise my head and look at you with an expression that you can't read, but is revealing all of my truth, yet you know something is not right. You're frustrated by me..... You want me to open up to you.

We talk all the time, but you never share anything. You give me advice on how to deal with my issues, but you never say anything to me about your problems. I share with you so many of my insecurities, but you only hint at what's bothering you. And, your hints are hard to decifer. Are you afraid that I'm not going to be there to listen, to support you? People, your friends, care about you. We are here, so please talk.

It's difficult for me to talk, when what's concerning me is you. I like you, I'm crazy about you. You're beautiful, but the like is unrequited so, "I keep it to myself." How can I share with you my relationship problems when the problem is I want my friend? You make me nervous, giddy, anxious. You make me feel like a girl....

I lean my head on your shoulder and wrap my arms around you. I tell you to take your time and just talk it out. I care about you.... You open your mouth and begin to talk.....

You lean your head on my shoulder and wrap your arms around me. You tell me to take your time and just talk it out. I care about you.... I open my mouth and begin to talk.....

We're shocked. We can't deal with it. We don't want to confront the situation so, we avoid one another. We wonder where things went wrong. Will things ever be back to how wonderful they were?

Will and why can't I stop being attracted to her?

Will and why can't she stop being attracted to me?

What I Do Not Want in Me

It is not that I do not believe in jealousy, but I try not to embody it. And, as hard as I try not to embody it, sometimes I am. I guess it is okay that sometimes I am, because then I become more aware of how or who I do not want to be.

Right now, I am jealous....

Right now, I do not want to be....

Right now, I am going to seperate myself from the situation so, I will no longer feel jealous....

I need to go running...

At Night I Can't Sleep, I Toss and Turn

Candle sticks in the dark, visions of bodies being burned
Four walls just staring at a nigga

Well, it wasn't that extreme, but I was up for 3.5 hours last night...tossing and turning and turning and tossing. I finally decide to read some of my Harry Potter and that put me to sleep in no time! Not that the book is boring, but it was late and the drowsiness finally kicked in...

Anyhow, what was keeping me awake? Life was keeping me awake. Decisions to make, changes that are occuring, things to do... Not that the decisions, changes and things are bad. Most of them are good! Just the thought of them has been disturbing my sleep.

I did come to realize that:
I love my friends.
I can do better.
I think they are absolutely beautiful...I blush when I think of them.
I am extremely excited about everything that is happening over the next six (6) weeks.
I really need someone to go to Vegas with me.....

All of This is Nothing But Wasted Time

I could not have said it better myself...
When will Virgos STOP feeling this pain, loving this love....

Wasted Time
Me'Shell Ndegéocello

You rarely notice but I hang on your every word
Everything you say
You are much too busy to notice me
You turn and walk away
Into anothers arms hopeless ashamed
I wish I could hold you that way
Brokenhearted I dream for you to notice me

Wasted time on loving you wasted time
Wasted time on someone
Who wont love you as much as I
As much as I as much as I as much as I

In my fantasy you are asleep beside me
I feel you breathe
If only I could be there for you
The one that you make love to

Wasted time on loving you wasted time
Wasted time on someone
Who wont love you as much as I
As much as I as much as I as much as I

You rarely notice but I hang on your every word
Everything you say
You are much too busy to notice me
You turn and walk away
Into anothers arms hopeless ashamed
I wish I could hold you that way
Brokenhearted I dream for you to notice me

A Letter to Her...

My dearest JATD,

You are beautiful, but you know this. I, and almost all of your friends, have told you so many times before. Everyone thinks of you as being incredibly sexy… From your phone operator voice, which drives me insane….I always save your voicemail messages, to your overall style, you are amazing! I love the time we spend together…. I just wish I did not think of you the way that I do. Most people love having crushes, but I do not love, nor like, having one on you. We are friends and that is all it can be. You are going through your thing and I need to be concentrating on taking care of my life. Plus, you do not even like me like that. I think, but probably so… It just seems weird when I hear stories of you watching me move and how I always feel nervous when we say goodbye. It was like that at first, then for a while, it was strictly friends… Then, the last couple of times, I do not know. Maybe, you were making me feel weird because of the alcohol you had been drinking. Maybe, you were thinking of someone else and projecting onto me. Yes, that is definitely, what it was. You did not really want me; you wanted her. Well, thank you for making me feel desired during those few minutes of us saying goodbye…. Next time, it shall go back to the way it was before, you and me being friends, confidants. I am going to wake up from the crazy fantasy!

~Ashley Joy~

Focus, Ashley Joy, focus!

I need to face reality and stop acting out of fear. I have hopes, dreams and aspirations. The only way they will ever become reality is for me to focus. I have the means to make everything come true. I just need to do it and make sacrifices. I just need to understand what is most important.