me alone in my room

i hide it most of the time,
or at least i like to think that i do.
but when she is away,
i feel it the most.
i think this is what my future holds....

me alone in my room

i worry every day about losing her
so, i try to make do of the time we have.
but it is so hard to think happy
and be strong,
while wondering what my future holds...

me alone in my room

Tonight I Ripped My Pants

Because they were too tight
Because I have gained 20 pounds in the past 4 months
Because I cannot stop eating
Because I am trying to deal
Because I am depressed
Because my mom has lung cancer.

2007 Resolution Update

To prepare for 2008, I need to evaluate my 2007 resolutions, honestly and unapologetically...

1. I will try to take care of my body, for it is truly a temple. I will try not to make stops at Kroger on the way to work and pick up a dozen doughnuts to consume over a 1 - 3 day period. I will try not to make stops at Wendys for their fries and vanilla Frostys. I will try not to make stops at Dairy Queen for their Blizzards, especially since I am becoming lactose intolerant. I will try to eat regular meals every day. I will try to work out at least 20 minutes a day. I will try to think before I eat.

Did I do it? I tried, but was not able to fully master this resolution. I have been eating due to stress.

2. I will try to let go off all past heartbreak. I will try not to "occasionally" check my e-mail and MySpace account for notices from girls from my past. I will delete the bookmarked profiles of the aforementioned. I will try not to bookmark those profiles again or any others.

Did I do it? Yes!!!!

3. I will try to cherish and develop my current relationships, friends and family. I will try to recognize that if it was not for their support, I would not be here today. I will try to place high value on what they have to offer and not take them for granted.

Did I do it? Yes and I have been given so many opportunities to return the favor... I am so blessed!

4. I will try to look within myself and to nature to develop a better relationship with God. I will try to understand the results of my actions before I act. I will try to meditate daily, in a hope to connect to myself, nature and God. I will try to experience and return all of the blessings I have received.

Did I do it? I did the best I could, but not perfect...

5. Relating to number 3 and 4, I will try to not feel sad, angry or upset that I am currently and could be/possibly in the future without a "loved one." I will try to remember that God has a bigger plan for me and that I have myself, friends and family to love.

Did I do it? Yes and I was blessed with a love of my own.... She warms my soul.... We are just taking things slowly to make sure there are no mistakes...

2007 Year in Review: Web Sites

I spend a lot of time online reading, researching, shopping, dreaming, connecting.... Here are the web sites that have brought me the most joy in 2007...

5. MySpace

Tom and crew never stop improving so, I will never stop ranking!

4. Blogger

I keep four blogs and Blogger keeps my interest separate.

3. MyRegistry

I like to shop. I like to receive gifts. MyRegistry allows for me to compile all of my material wants, from various online and offline sites for others to view and purchase at their leisure!

2. Wikipedia

I just cannot seem to learn enough!

My Number 1 Web Site of 2007 is....

Twitter

I want to know what you are doing and want to share with you what I am....

2007 Year in Review: Songs

I have a lot of friends, who live and die for music. Me, not so much! However, I do really enjoy it and would feel lost without because it helps move life along.... There are some songs which help move life more than others. My top songs of 2007 are not necessarily songs released this year, but those that I have enjoyed the most....

5. Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie

Why I love it? Because sometimes it really is me and not you..

4. Paper Planes by M.I.A.

Why I love it? Because the beat is hot! Because she is speaking the truth about life, even if MTV wants to edit her....

3. Letter by Letter by AYO.

Why I love it? Because sometimes you just want your loved one to share...something, even if it is just a little...

2. Pretty Wings by Maxwell

Why I love it? Because even though he has only released a snippet of his upcoming song, I am yearning for more. Because she was beautiful, yet dangerous and you had to leave...

My Number 1 Song of 2007 is....

S.O.S. by Doria Roberts

Why I love it? Because it has helped me get through the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with... Because...

we're running with this weight on our backs
And we're watching each step on treacherous and narrow paths
But every time there is a fork in the road
We are just getting use to our heavy loads
And we're so tired from the choosing that we haven't got the strength for trying
And I'm so tired of living just because I am afraid of dying
But I won't give up fighting for this pilgrimage I call surviving

2007 Year in Review: Concerts

One of my hobbies is live music, I will go to almost any show, does not matter, if I know the artist or not. Well, let me rephrase.... I will pay for the ones I like, but I will gladly go to almost any show. Usually, I will come away a big fan. I, also, spend a considerable amount of my income on concerts, plays, etc. I feel like I am always going to see someone.. So, here are the best of my 2007 excursions....

5. Beyoncé (07/20/2007 at Philips Arena)

I am a HUGE Destiny's Child fan and I think Beyoncé is pretty great too! In 2005, I saw them perform at the Essence Music Festival and it was a phenomenal show. So, when I heard that Beyoncé was going on tour for her B'Day CD, I had to be there! The show was as amazing, as you could have imagined... I had fantastic seats (so close that Beyoncé gave a shout out to the guy sitting two rows behind me) and great company. Thanks to one of my friends, I talked to hot ass Bibi on the phone after the show!

While, I enjoyed the show, I did not realize how much until I saw the concert on BET and started feeling as hype as I was when I was there! Beyoncé, I might give you a hard time, but you are a hellavu performer! Brava brava! My boyfriend, Justin Timberlake did not give me the same feeling when I saw his HBO show, which is why he did not make the countdown... Sorry JT!

4. Atlanta Opera's Turandot (10/07/2007 at Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre)

Speaking of Brava, some of you might not know that I adore opera... It touches my soul... This is my second year subscribing to the Atlanta Opera. This year, they made a controversial move from downtown to evil Cobb County and their new facility. I am not happy with the move, nor am I that happy with the Centre. However, the opera still has "it going on!" The performance was beautiful and the sets were AMAZING! If the move, meant that I could receive that calibre of a production, then I guess I will have to deal with it!

3. A Memory, a Monologue, a Rant and a Prayer: Writings to End Violence Against Women and Girls (09/26/2007 at Opera)

While this was not a concert, this event was touching, funny, soul-stirring and beautiful. This was a reading of Eve Ensler's, of Vagina Monologue fame, new book. Local celebrities gathered to read essays by men and women about the pain and frustration they had experienced as an abused woman, an abuser of women or a bystander, just as they had done for the annual Vagina Monologue event. The book is a must have for every man and woman....

To top it all off, I met Kenny Leon and Eve Ensler!

2. M.I.A. (10/31/2007 at Centre Stage)

This girl is so so so crunk, beyond words! She defines cool... I love anyone who can rock their own style and not give a fuck what anyone thinks and M.I.A. does that! I was turned on her by my BFF (not to be confused with my Liebling) and once I heard that she was doing a show in Atlanta...on Halloween, I knew we had to be there! Somehow, we got the hook up from one of the security guards that she was going to bring about 20 people onstage to dance with her. And, we were two of them! Amazing!

My Number 1 Concert of 2007 is....

Babyface with Special Guest AYO. (10/07/2007 at Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre)

So, I LOVE AYO. (pronounced ah-you)! She is one of the four artist that I could listen to for the rest of my life, if I could only listen to four.... She is from Europe and when I stumbled upon her music, her CD had not yet been released in the US so, I had to order the international version from Amazon. I said, if she ever releases her CD in the States, I must buy another copy and if she comes to tour anywhere in the States, I will be there.... Well, her CD was released and I bought another copy and I found out that she was coming to Atlanta, opening for Babyface, I bought tickets the morning sales opened! With the best seats, I have ever had to see a major recording artist (5th row), I was set to see my AYO. I impressed everyone around me with knowing all the words to this unknown artist's songs. As one of my friends told me, they are all going to think that you are her best friend and that is why you know her music.... :-D And her show was amazing...she did not perform my favorite song, Letter by Letter, but she did perform her hits (at least on the European charts). So, I being all hyped after seeing her, and fulfilling my dream of seeing all of my favorite musicians perform live, I was set for a decent Babyface show.

I consider myself to be a Babyface fan. The man writes and sings great music... He was on tour to promote his new CD, which I did not have so, I was not too excited about his part of the show. Well, I know now that I should have been! For starters, his new CD is a bunch of covers so, I knew most of the songs on it already. Second, he only performed three songs from the new CD. What did he perform? All of his hits! All of the hits, he wrote for other people, well most of them.... I had the best time ever! He is so funny, charming and wonderful... Everytime I hear one of the songs on the radio, I think back to that night... And being on the 5th row, when I stood up to dance and sing, he saw me. Yep, Babyface and I made eye contact! :-D

2007 Year in Review: TV

It's time once again for my Year in Review. Unlike last year, where I had to think back to what I liked, I have been preparing my mental list all year long... So, let's go!

We are starting off with television...

5. Kid Nation

So, the critics were all over this show when it first premiered...and not in a good way! They complained that it was exploitation of minors and should not be aired. Sponsors were pulling out, for fear of being associated with the complaints. I had already planned on watching the show, but after this I was DEFINITELY going to watch it. I am very glad I did. It provided interesting viewing. The kids were forced to experience things outside of their comfort zone (including their families). A chance for some of them to really grow up. I say some, because of Taylor, the 10 year old beauty queen from Georgia who had to be bribed to work, hated to read and was the worst participant in the show.

4. Let's Make a Deal

I know, this is not a current/new show! Some of you might not even know that it is on telelvision...but it is! The Game Show Network (GSN) airs almost 20 episodes of this famous game of chance. Why do I love this show?

Monty Hall

Datsuns are considered to be a BIG prize

Wacky costumes

It's just pure comedy!

3. The Office

The Writer's Strike has be bummed because I am going through withdrawal from one of the funniest shows in television history! The characters, thanks to the fabulous writers, are so well drawn. They are all three dimensional, with fantasic and extremely quirky storylines! How else would we feel such sympathy for the lost of Sprinkles?!?!

2. Dexter

The first repeat show from last year... Why? Dexter had me scared to watch! I cannot recall the last time I was scared to watch a television show... And not because of what Dexter might do, but what they might do to Dexter. In the end, it all worked out.... Or, did it?!?!

My Top TV Show of 2007 is....

LOST

If you're not watching this show by now, I really don't know what's wrong with you! Why is this show so great? Because of everything! When the writers bring in characters who the fans don't like, they are killed off. When the storyline needs to move into a certain direction, even for the sake of a favorite character, they are dealt with accordingly. When the fans think they might have it all figured out, the writers pull some new stuff....like a flashforward! Unbelievable... I'm counting the days until Season 4 begins...