Reflecting on My 29th Year

My 29th year of living will be over in less than 30 minutes. As I begin this 30th year of living, I have a lot on which to reflect and remember...
This was the year, I met two incredibly remarkable women, who have forever changed how I see myself and interact with others!
This was the year, I faced my fears and let out all that was inside. One has turned out for the good. One is left to be seen...
This was the year, I experienced a lot of loss... At times, it felt like a little too much... They say, God does not close one door without opening another.
This was the year, my mom got sick and is currently in the hospital for the first time in 29 years.
This was the year, I saw the truth in people and realized I should listen more to my instincts.
This was the year, I took that true family vacation and created memories and stories that will last a lifetime.
This was the year, I said "see you later" to one of my best friends, as she started a new chapter in her life.
This was the year, I finally enabled one of my dreams to come true. In just 135 days, I will be in Europe.
This was the year, I discovered little pieces of God's glorious work, courtesy of Wyoming and the Grand Canyon.

What will next year be? MY VISION and the endless possibilities...

Love of an Aquarius

Your True Love Is an Aquarius

Why you'll love an Aquarius: Independent yet devoted, you'll appreciate the unique approach to love Aquarius takes. You both see love as a bit of a game, and Aquarius will challenge you until you're completely hooked. Why an Aquarius will love you: You're secure enough to give Aquarius tons of space - even if it means separate interests and friends. You have the brains to keep Aquarius engaged and curious. And the passion to change the world together!

What Sign Is Your True Love?

High + Alone = Anger Management

I've been hibernating for a few days. Not holed up in a room, hibernating, but from people.... I've been feeling really angry and have just not been in the mood to deal with the bullshit that people bring! I've also been resting so, maybe that would be considered to be holed up in a room. I don't know, but the sleep has been great!

Well when, I wasn't sleeping, I have enjoyed the High Museum. I saw their Lourve Atlanta and Annie Leibovitz exhibits, among others... I adored every bit of it. It was nice getting out and just being with me....

I have spent sometime thinking and sorting out my anger... Now that I've calmed down, I have reconnected with my girls! I love them so so much!

So, what's next for me... I really need a hair cut....

What Made Me Smile Today...

So, I've been feeling crappy, but this made me smile today....  Especially since, I'm seeing her on Saturday...

Wacky McWack Wack Wack Wack

That's what my life has been lately... Wacky McWack Wack Wack Wack!

YOU:
Ashley Joy, what makes it Wacky McWack Wack Wack Wack?

ME:
1. I was supposed to go with a girl to the Doria Roberts' Birthday Show on 08/25. It was not going to be a date, because she has a girlfriend. It was just two friends going to a great show! Well, I want to get a table for the show. Tables seat and are priced equivalent to four (4) individual tickets. I let her know that I want a table and I am going to invite a couple more people. Since, it is not a date, because she has a girlfriend. She tells me, have fun with my friends and that she'll go with someone else. This makes no sense at all. So for me to go with her and to get a table, I will have to waste $30. WACK for the money and WACK for tripping out on me!
Sidenote: Girl, who is tripping, I know you read my blog and yes, I do not care that I am calling you out because what you did was WACK!
2. Girls who I used to date are trying to get at one of my friends.... I am not going to say anymore, than that right now.... BUT THIS COULD TURN INTO THE LATE SUMMER/EARLY AUTUMN SCANDAL!!!! All I am telling my friend is, I told you!!! ;-) Like my favorite lesbian joke says, "what do you call a group of lesbians hanging out? Ex-girlfriends."

I am the Princess of Power!

Maybe there is some truth to this Vision Board thing, because ever since I created mine on Sunday, things have been great! Sure, I have been hit with some low blows, but I am okay. I have been blushing, smiling, glowing constantly. I radiate happiness!

I could also be me exercising, you know the endorphins. So maybe, there is truth to that too! Yesterday, my sister and I went walking up Stone Mountain. It was nice... We talked about our situations, all while joking and laughing like we always do! I love her so much!!!!

Maybe, it's my friends supporting me and telling me everything is for the best! I love them too! I am so grateful to have them believing in me....

So now, it's back to work, until another blog hits my brain....

Keep it positive everyone and make it a SUPER Tuesday,
~Ashley Joy~, but maybe you should call me She-Ra

Talk to Me

You lean into me, resting your head on my shoulder. I reach around and rub your hair. You're tired, it's been a long day. Still, I ask, are you okay? You tell me you're fine and then you sigh one of those sighs that you do when something isn't so right. I ask you to open up, tell me. You raise your head and look at me with an expression I can't read, yet know something is not right. I'm frustrated by you.... Why won't you open up to me?

I lean into you, resting my head on your shoulder. You reach around and rub my hair. I'm tired, it's been a long day. Still, you ask, am I okay? I tell you I'm fine and sigh one of my sighs that I do when something isn't so right. You ask me to open up, tell you. I raise my head and look at you with an expression that you can't read, but is revealing all of my truth, yet you know something is not right. You're frustrated by me..... You want me to open up to you.

We talk all the time, but you never share anything. You give me advice on how to deal with my issues, but you never say anything to me about your problems. I share with you so many of my insecurities, but you only hint at what's bothering you. And, your hints are hard to decifer. Are you afraid that I'm not going to be there to listen, to support you? People, your friends, care about you. We are here, so please talk.

It's difficult for me to talk, when what's concerning me is you. I like you, I'm crazy about you. You're beautiful, but the like is unrequited so, "I keep it to myself." How can I share with you my relationship problems when the problem is I want my friend? You make me nervous, giddy, anxious. You make me feel like a girl....

I lean my head on your shoulder and wrap my arms around you. I tell you to take your time and just talk it out. I care about you.... You open your mouth and begin to talk.....

You lean your head on my shoulder and wrap your arms around me. You tell me to take your time and just talk it out. I care about you.... I open my mouth and begin to talk.....

We're shocked. We can't deal with it. We don't want to confront the situation so, we avoid one another. We wonder where things went wrong. Will things ever be back to how wonderful they were?

Will and why can't I stop being attracted to her?

Will and why can't she stop being attracted to me?

Getting Rid of the Jealousy

Your emotions are taking a backseat to cold logic right now, which is helping
you make a levelheaded conclusion about someone whose actions have been
confusing you lately. There's a fresh, clean energy inside of you that will
enable you to cut through the games and see things as they truly are. It's an
excellent day for important deliberation. If there is a big decision you've been
toying with, today is a great time to sit down and go over the pros and cons.

Virgo Horoscope for August 6, 2007 by Astrology.com

After what I have been going through, I was scared shitless by today’s reading. I have been very confused lately and definitely need to cut through the games. So, I will attempt to ask the question that needs to be asked….. Me being me, I am very nervous. What if the answer is something I really do not want to hear? Then again, what if it is something that I really do want to hear? This is just a chance I am going to take. This will not be another Renée!

By the way, I did go running and it was fabulous! I received some clarity, discovered something about myself that is absolutely hilarious and stirred the creative juices so I could start (and complete) my Vision Board.

This is about to be the big time!!

What I Do Not Want in Me

It is not that I do not believe in jealousy, but I try not to embody it. And, as hard as I try not to embody it, sometimes I am. I guess it is okay that sometimes I am, because then I become more aware of how or who I do not want to be.

Right now, I am jealous....

Right now, I do not want to be....

Right now, I am going to seperate myself from the situation so, I will no longer feel jealous....

I need to go running...

Yesterday was My Gayest Day Ever

Sooooooooooo......
Yesterday, after work, I had some errands to run. Go to Target to return a box. Go to Wal-Mart to return some headbands....I need headbands with grip combs and these didn't have them. Go to UPS to drop off a package. Then to Publix to order a birthday cake (she does not read my blog so, it does not matter that I am writing this...lol). Well, I was in Target and all of a sudden, I felt like I had been hit with the "she's gay!" spotlight.... I had gone the whole day and not felt anything unusual or odd or different. I looked down at myself and what I was wearing and felt like people were shopping next to the "dykiest" girl in the entire store. I mean, all I had on was my:
green HRC t-shirt, with the big logo on the back
jeans
silver ring
pink Chuck Taylor's
scarf to protect and cover my freshly-done two strand twist
SIDE NOTE on the HAIR: It is truly going to look so dope when I take it down on Saturday! :-D

So, what about what I was wearing made me think I looked gayer, than gay? Was it the HRC shirt, the silver ring, the Chuck's, the scarf? Ask my sister and she will say, ALL OF THE ABOVE! She swears that all lesbians wear silver rings, Chuck's, have natural hair, etc. When I go out with my friends, yes, I do notice that almost all of us have natural hair, be it in a fro or locs. We also could, if combed our entire jewelry collection, supply a small nation with a year's supply of silver. And so, yes a handful of us, wear Chuck's. Those are just stereotypes, that for which almost all of my friends could affirm positive. I do not know....

What lesbian stereotype do you find to be true? False?