At Night I Can't Sleep, I Toss and Turn

Candle sticks in the dark, visions of bodies being burned
Four walls just staring at a nigga

Well, it wasn't that extreme, but I was up for 3.5 hours last night...tossing and turning and turning and tossing. I finally decide to read some of my Harry Potter and that put me to sleep in no time! Not that the book is boring, but it was late and the drowsiness finally kicked in...

Anyhow, what was keeping me awake? Life was keeping me awake. Decisions to make, changes that are occuring, things to do... Not that the decisions, changes and things are bad. Most of them are good! Just the thought of them has been disturbing my sleep.

I did come to realize that:
I love my friends.
I can do better.
I think they are absolutely beautiful...I blush when I think of them.
I am extremely excited about everything that is happening over the next six (6) weeks.
I really need someone to go to Vegas with me.....

All of This is Nothing But Wasted Time

I could not have said it better myself...
When will Virgos STOP feeling this pain, loving this love....

Wasted Time
Me'Shell Ndegéocello

You rarely notice but I hang on your every word
Everything you say
You are much too busy to notice me
You turn and walk away
Into anothers arms hopeless ashamed
I wish I could hold you that way
Brokenhearted I dream for you to notice me

Wasted time on loving you wasted time
Wasted time on someone
Who wont love you as much as I
As much as I as much as I as much as I

In my fantasy you are asleep beside me
I feel you breathe
If only I could be there for you
The one that you make love to

Wasted time on loving you wasted time
Wasted time on someone
Who wont love you as much as I
As much as I as much as I as much as I

You rarely notice but I hang on your every word
Everything you say
You are much too busy to notice me
You turn and walk away
Into anothers arms hopeless ashamed
I wish I could hold you that way
Brokenhearted I dream for you to notice me

Growing Balls

I despise confrontation, even when it could lead to a very good outcome. I just cannot deal with scaring or hurting anyone or having someone tell me no… Lately, I have been like, “I don’t give a damn. I’m doing this shit!”

I got up the courage to ask an old friend, why she and I did not work out. I was very fearful of how she was going to respond. It turned out to be okay. And, things are great between us…

I was finally able to gather the nerves and ask a friend of her intentions with me. While, I did not get a direct answer, I did receive enough of one to make me even more curious of how I fit into her life.

I have decided to write the letter that I have needed to write for the past 10 months.

What else is in store for me? From where, did these balls come?

A Letter to Her...

My dearest JATD,

You are beautiful, but you know this. I, and almost all of your friends, have told you so many times before. Everyone thinks of you as being incredibly sexy… From your phone operator voice, which drives me insane….I always save your voicemail messages, to your overall style, you are amazing! I love the time we spend together…. I just wish I did not think of you the way that I do. Most people love having crushes, but I do not love, nor like, having one on you. We are friends and that is all it can be. You are going through your thing and I need to be concentrating on taking care of my life. Plus, you do not even like me like that. I think, but probably so… It just seems weird when I hear stories of you watching me move and how I always feel nervous when we say goodbye. It was like that at first, then for a while, it was strictly friends… Then, the last couple of times, I do not know. Maybe, you were making me feel weird because of the alcohol you had been drinking. Maybe, you were thinking of someone else and projecting onto me. Yes, that is definitely, what it was. You did not really want me; you wanted her. Well, thank you for making me feel desired during those few minutes of us saying goodbye…. Next time, it shall go back to the way it was before, you and me being friends, confidants. I am going to wake up from the crazy fantasy!

~Ashley Joy~

Focus, Ashley Joy, focus!

I need to face reality and stop acting out of fear. I have hopes, dreams and aspirations. The only way they will ever become reality is for me to focus. I have the means to make everything come true. I just need to do it and make sacrifices. I just need to understand what is most important.

Creeva's World 2.0: Grand Central Invitations Available

Creeva's World 2.0: Grand Central Invitations Available

Want to See Beyonce in Concert?

For the past few summers, I have invited someone, with whom I felt has gone out of their way to show me the true meaning of friendship, to join me at a summer concert. I never told anyone, that they were being considered or why they were selected, it was just something kind that I wanted to do.

This year, I am taking a break…somewhat! I have an extra ticket to see Beyoncé and Robin Thicke in concert on Friday, July 20 at Philips Arena. It is a great seat! If you are interested (and available) in spending time with me, Beyoncé and Robin, leave a comment below by Tuesday, July 17. I will select someone from the respondents on Wednesday, July 18.

Good luck!

The Last Night

The dark sky is cloudy
Full of overcast
No stars
Barely a glimpse of the moon
Nothing beautiful about it
The air is so thick
So cold
Feels like the last night ever
No one wants to be a part
Of this element
This dark sky which displays no love
No hope
No wanting of life
No desire to provide comfort
To anyone
This dark sky just wants to be

What Was New Was Old Is Now New

The Friday of Pride, I MySpaced message this girl who I used to date. She had been on my mind for a few weeks, but due to the circumstances of our dissolvement, I was not sure how to approach her. So, I left a short and sweet message, just saying hi and that we needed to talk.

The next day at Pride, I run into her at Piedmont Park. We chat a bit and exchange numbers... It was really good to see her for she is very pretty! Over the next few days, we exchange text messages and e-mails. Then, we invite each other to Screen on the Green. Do not start thinking it was a date because we were both meeting other people there. Then....Screen on the Green was cancelled...due to thunderstorms! So, we went to hang out with a couple of her friends (who I also know, but have not seen since we stopped hanging out together) and dance a bit at a club and do dinner at R. Thomas. It was a very nice evening! Good company, good food, good music!

We continue to text and e-mail and it is all quite enjoyable. She invited me to go see Transformers yesterday with her friends and family. Again, it was nice spending time with her.

Our conversations have picked up from where we left. And, it feels weird and comfortable at the same time. It mainly feels weird that it feels comfortable. We have been estranged for almost three times as long as we her in communication. So,75% of the time we have known of each other, we have not spoken. To now, communicate with her, it is just...different. Another item of consideration is we have yet to talk about why and what exactly went wrong between us. So.... time will tell....